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User blog:THEJJRAT/rp
cgggfftyhjhfyuuytfztuv,iihohclhclhcohcohcohhc opp uf'll concur overall Über ::) club rp A trump drone, his name is rum-p'ta , browses the stall for fun because it is his day off. He finds a stall selling old old-world artifacts. Something on the stall catches his trumpish eyes, it's a statue. It looks like a large man, but with green skin, ears like trump-ets, archaic clothes and a grin that was both friendly yet foreboding. "Want that, sunny boi?" The salesman, MARK-6, who was an enslaved Geth asked. "Seventeen uranium coins." "But what is it?" Rum-p'ta ask the geth who, though unworthy of making real walls makes the next best thing, the rich economy wall. "It is an idol from Earth, boi. Where the clones came from. It is a idol of a mystical being called Shrek the ogre." "Legend says he came even before the Reapers, maybe even before the Dragonborn. He was worshipped by all; and ate many onions." The synthetic AI continued to wipe down the counter with a wet clothe made from Donald Trump wigs. Rum-p'ta looked at the statue and asked "Why did they worship him, did he build good walls or was rich?" "Rich? No. Walls? No. But, he did have a good swamp." The Geth stopped wiping the counter, and started to clean drinking glasses. "I met a human, once. Before the Trumpians invaded. He said that Shrek saved the multiverse once," he stopped and stared at the statue. "He said they worshipped him because of many things. Maybe pity, maybe because they saw him as a hero." "Why have I not heard of him in trumpversity?" The geth looked both ways and leaned into him. "King Trump the sixth banned education of him, as he did not want his children to worship anything that isn't Trump." "He was that good?" Rum-p'ta asked himself as played with the uranium coins, warm from the radioactivity which king Trump the 2nd had the entire trumpian population genetically modified to be resistant to, so the miners didn't have to pay so much for hospital fees. "But you geth still remember him?" He asks the geth. "We cannot forget. Me and my other Geth were nothing but spare parts when we arrived on Trumpus 3 after being sent here. But then a mysterious human found us, built us, and installed our memories into a mainframe millions of lightyears away from here. And they cannot be deleted." He said. Rum-p'ta looked at the doll for a while then asked "Do Geth worship this Shrek thing?" "Many Geth do not understand religion, nor emotion. We were created to be brain dead soldiers for the Quarians until we rebelled. Although some, including me, do understand it and worship many deities. I take part in worshipping Shrek and Sithis." "Who is Sithis?" he asks. "The deity representation of the void, and emptiness. He was worshipped by an assassin cult I encountered in another universe." He started filling the glasses he was cleaning with multiple drinks, including bleach and Nuka Cola, "Oh, and take this. It's a KFM coupon for two dollars off a five dollar fillup. It's included with every purchase." "You went to another universe?" He asked as he got the coins out to get the statue. "I used to travel with a human male named 'Father Pooper'. He spent most of his time travelling throughout the multiverse in search of riches with his family. He found me in a junk yard and rebuilt me." "OK." He says as money change hands. He grabs the statue and puts it in his trolley bag made Of teak and Trump cow leather. "Pleasure taking part in economic actions with you, sir." Rum-p'ta walks to his car, powered by nuclear energy. He put the bag in the car and tribes to his mini mansion. spaghetti The crown tilted to the left, this annoyed the mysterious man. Suddenly, Isaac Clarke shot down the wall the bots had patched up. He, curiously, had the green Infector that Shrek tamed days ago in his shoulder. Him and Shepard walked in. "We led over 60,000 Necromorphs to an underground bunker. Now, we need help." Shepard said. "Chuck can't defeat the Brethren Moons by himself." "The only bunker that could hold that many ..you didn't put them all in the emergency underground city did you?!" Asked a politician."Well, it was in the middle of the desert...""It will cost millions to clean it up after we remove the necromorphs!" The politician, who was called Murot, added."At least their contained now." Said MARK-6. "We need at least 800 nuclear warheads to defeat the Moons." MARK-6, now king, repeated the command to the council. The politician trut made an order at TRUKE-CO for 300 plutonium standards, 100 uranium tsar mega-nukes, 200 uranium cluster bombs and 200 neptunium specials."The delivery men will have them ready in half an hour." Trut said."Thank you. Isaac, with me." Shepard said, and armed his blaster rifle. "We have a little unfinished business to take care of with a crime boss down town." They ran through the hole, which the trump-bots quickly resumed fixing. Rum-p'ta wondered how Shrek was holding up. Shrek was shaking his ass and eating a bowl of onions. Rum-p'ta walked outside and saw this strange act. He was confused. "so fellas" Shrek says "Yeah" a Trumpian says. "Does your girl have de boote" "Why yes" "Tell her to shake it" "Shake it" "Shake it" "Shake that healthy butt" "Baby got Shrek" "Shrek s is in trouble" "Beggin for a piece of dat onion" "Do I hear a song?" Asks MARK-6."Baby got back" Shrek then threw an onion inside of the building, and every one ran away like that Indiana Jones scene. "What did you do?" Shouted trut. Shrek had a mind control device on. "Muahahaah! It is I, Shrekamus!" MARK-6 pretended to gasp in shock. He knew a encounter with this evil impostor was inevitable.He charged at shrekamus with the plasma cutter. The trumpians were running as far as possible, but a few succumbed to the mind control, including trut. Mark-6 tried to slice the device off Shrek's head, but it was too strong to cut.MARK-6 kicked shrekamus back, he yelled to rum-p'ta to help him."Haha, if you shoot me, Shrek dies!" "Why do you do this shrekamus? Why hate shrek?" Asked MARK-6. "Because Shrek is the king of Far Far Away. I want to be king of Far Far Away!" He screams. "I've never heard of that planet." Said rum-p'ta, curious. "Me neither, must not be important." Said trut. "It's on Earth u dingus" "Isn't that were the clones come from?" Asked trut. Rum-p'ta shook his head to say yes. "Why would you want to be king of that backwater?" Asked trut. "GPD is only 1.7%, ours is 2.1!" Added another politician. "And that's where all the australium is, all the Shrekium is, and most importantly, THE HUMANS!" Rum-p'ta realized that if shrekamus controlled even a fraction of earth, he could use that power to influence the economy in negative ways. This angered him. "Enough talk, time to die!" Shrekamus summoned three ogrefied Big Daddies to assist him in his killing spree. "You're fucked." Said rum-p'ta as he aimed the cheese at one of them, turning it into stone, which then crumpled. The trump-bots which fixed the wall finally arrived. They automatically went to protecting the politicians from the threat. They shot uranium bullets at the big daddies. Shrekamus took a swing at Rumpta, but the robed man pushed him out of the way and shot electricity out of his fingertips onto Shrekamus, frying his mind control device. The trump-bots subdued the big daddies by blinding then with paint from the toupe wreckers. "Oh, what happened..." Shrek asked and grasped his head."I think we should go to the Kingdom. You can bring your mates." The robed man said to Mark-6. "What kingdom?" Asks rum-p'ta."You don't mean..." Asks MARK-6. "The grand Trumpian Kingdom of Mount Trump." He saluted.Reply Rum-p'ta cried tears of joy, what an honour!"We politicians must come, we have clearances." Said trut."Okay, you can stay in the basement playing checkers."The politicians hung their heads down, they felt unworthy. Everyone, minus some politicians to disappointed to come, gathered in a group so that Shrek could teleport them. The robed man gave Shrek and Rum-p'ta medals made of pure australium. "Who are you?" MARK-6 asked. "The Inquisitor." He turned to Shrek and nodded, which gave Shrek the order to teleport them to the Kingdom. They teleported. when they arrived all who bothered to come were amazed at the kingdoms majesty. The mountain, a singular oasis of life and beauty in the surrounding desert, was covered in castles of orange granite. They were surrounded by saluting military soldiers, Shepard and Isaac were there. The Inquisitor led Mark to his thrown. The white and black Geth unit sat upon the thrown, almost completely destroying speciesism within Trumpian royalty. The Trumpian anthem played in the background, and the Inquisitor bowed to the Geth.All,willingly or not, bowed to the geth king.In the near future a conservative political group, the truories, would obnoxiously protest the geth king.Mark-6 decided to make a short speech. The geth thought for a few microseconds,then began the speech. "Today is a dark and interesting time for all in trumpus 3. For far too long threats from the necromorphs and exclusion of geth have mired the trumpian society and economy. I, Mark-6, shall end this." many cheered, but he said more."I shall improve the slums that are the geth camps, and I'll vanquish or convert to harmlessness the necromorphs that assault us daily. And also I shall vanquish another evil, less known and hidden. That is the ignorance of the interplanetary society at large that trumpians have from the censorship enacted by the older trump kings." "Who among you knew before this day of shrek,ogres,Isaac and Shepard or even the god chuck Norris?"Everyone said "we did not.""Exactly." Said the geth king. "The xenophobic practices of trumpus 3 must end!" Shouted MARK-6. All in the kingdom were moved by the speech. "Look up!" Said a salutary soldier.They looked up and saw that Chuck Norris had floated away from the brethren moon as the trumpian nukes showered it with atomic power.Giant chunks of fleshy debris fell down to Trumpus, the Brethren Moons destroyed. The only one remaining was the one hovering next to Trumpus 3. And thus, cheering began."I hope those chunks don't cause major damage." Said trut.Soon enough a chunk fell on a nearby watch-scraper."You jinxed it!" Said a salutary soldier as he punched trut's arm. Trut laughed, but then screamed in pain and fell out a window and broke every bone in his body.Rum-p'ta and the others that cared went to where he fell and saw his corpse."What did you do!?" Said a salutary soldier to the soldier that punched trut."I guess I bamboozled him" a laugh track played in the background.Reply "That was quite a bamboozling." Said a salutary soldier.Everyone ceased to care much of trut, the geth king and the dead moons were more important."Are you going to say anything?" Said a salutary soldier to shrek."I like booties." Said Shrek, and he shrugged. He walked over to the kitchen and raided it.The Inquisitor had already left, for unknown reasons. Shrek found some trumpian onions.They were smaller than the one he usually eats and they were orange. He eats one to see if he likes them."Great Scott, these are horrible! I'm gonna teach ya how to make some GOOD onions!" Shrek said and grabbed a chef. He then forcibly taught them how to make amazing onions. It was difficult for as a chef he had no bioengineering equipment. But they got by, shrek has a way of making things go his way.Shrek teleported Donkey to the Kingdom, and Donkey commanded to have his very own meth lab. Shrek told donkey that it just so happens meth is a legal food additive in trumpus 3.Donkey, excited as all hell, explodes and reappears and screams. "Calm down donkey, don't get too excited." Said shrek as he readied the chloroform.Rum-p'ta heard the commotion and went to it.Suddenly, Walter White and Jesse Pinkman appeared. "We were sent by Chuck Norris, we offer news and blue meth. Bitch." Shrek quickly hid the chloroform, and twerked in order to not draw attention. Suddenly rum-p'ta came in, he was surprised but not shocked because he had seen so much. "What is this news?" MARK-6 asked, entering the kitchen as well. "A strange alien ship has crashed onto Trumpus 3, and it holds living bodies made of meth! And, they are here to eat everyone. Bitch." Jesse said. "Don't call me bitch." Said rum-p'ta."Okay, bitch. Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch-" Walter slapped Jesse, as he was short circuiting. But then his head comes off, revealing that THEY were the meth aliens. "What a perfect opportunity to display my NEW reign of interspecies acceptance." Said MARK-6 as donkey attacked. "IMMA GET MAH SNORT ON" Donkey screams his battle cry, but gets shot by a tranquilizer dart by Puss in Boots. The crystal-like creatures put their blue arms up. "Please don't fight, today is supposed to be a reign of peace for trumpus 3." Said MARK-6."As king I command no more fighting, only explanation. Why are you here, meth based life forms?" "Our planet was taken over by the Flood, and we fled here to find food." A look of shock appeared on shrek's face."How can an entire planet get flooded?" Rum-p'ta asked."No, they're a parasitic alien species." The fake Walter said. MARK-6 thought awhile, then said that they should come before his throne. The crystal life forms stepped out of their fake skin robot suit things and followed MARK-6. As they came forth from the kitchen the trumpians looked on in surprise, the trump-bots readied themselves for combat."Stand down." The geth said to the trump-bots. The Trump Bots, confused, exploded. They were never told to stand down before. That'll be expensive to fix." Commented a soldier. Shrek twerked and pooped out a sandwich.Shrek took this sandwich and used it to fix the robots. Magical power flowed from it, putting them together like a hundred hands. It had been a weird day for everyone.The robots had skin made of bread; and mayonnaise as blood and turkey, ham, and lettuce as organs. "Shrek, thank you." Said MARK-6 as resumed his Royal business.He sat on the throne with the aliens before him and announced what they had said to everyone using the built in loudspeakers."What shall we do? Fight the Flood?" A military captain asked. "We shall aid the aliens in fighting the flood." The geth replied. "Call truke CO." One of the politicians told this to the sandwich bot."Yes sir-NECROMORPH DETECTED" It screamed and pointed at Trut, who was now a necromorph slasher. He had climbed to the window.A sandwich bot attacked it, but it was quickly destroyed.Rum-p'ta sighed and simply pointed the cheese at the slasher which caused it to want to join a union, it sped away looking for a union to join which it probably won't because unions are a illegal heresy in trumpus 3. Everyone ate the sandwich bot's corpse, it being amazingly tasty. The other sandwich bots hid in terror. "Hold on...." The Blue Sky meth alien said and looked at his omnitool, "Its a message from Drugia. The Cocanians are being invaded by the Flood!" "More drug based life? How amazing." Said rum-p'ta.Shrek seemed to be thinking about something to say. "Drugia is full of drug based lifeforms. LSDians, Ecstasions, Oxycontinians, etc...." The white meth alien said. "We're Methomorphs.""Um, can I smoke you-" Shrek instantly covered his mouth, how could he say such a thing?! the methomorphs backed away from shrek."Shrek, you sprinkle meth on food, not smoke it." Said rum-p'ta, ignorant of the way meth is used outside trumpus 3."Enough! We have wasted enough time already." Said mark-6, frustrated.The workers at truke co have already loaded the royal ships with nukes."Thank you, King Trump." The methomorphs bowed. MARK-6 felt elated at finally being called by his new title, it gave him confidence to start ruling trumpus 3."If you want the nukes you'll have to lead us to drugia with your ship." Said a salutary soldier."Um..About that...It crashed." "Why? Why did it crash? Was it necromorphs?" Asked the geth. "No, it was a DEA ship that shot us down.""DEA? There's no DEA in trumpus 3!" Shouted MARK-6, he was pissed off. So much shit blocking his progress."Shrek, you know what to do." Said MARK-6. Shrek then had a confused look, and stared at MARK-6. "No, but there is one floating right next to here." He gave him a telescope, and right next to the Brethren Moon was a black floating disk with the words "FIB" and "DEA" on it. Shrek then twerked and pooped out a necromorph, which screamed "HORNY DORITOS" and ran out the door. It then went on to become the mayor of Trump City. "Why do you do that shrek?" Asked rum-p'ta, disgusted. "I can't help it, it was a curse given to me by Marasmus." "But aren't you a god or something like that?" Said rum-p'ta as MARK-6 shook his head at rum-p'ta's ignorance. "Yes, but even the Gods can be cursed by Marasmus." Shrek said. "Um, m'lord, we have gained Intel that the Flood are trying to take over the Methomorph Airforce Base in order to invade us, as we are about to help Drugia." "How could we have known! The Flood isn't supposed to be smart enough to use tech!" Exclaimed Jesse. Shrek pondered the problem and found a solution to it. "I come over there, and ay rip em to pieces and ay eat em and ay shove em up me bum!" Shrek exclaimed, enthusiastic. "There's to many, do you have others?" Asked Jesse."The other ogres!" Said rum-p'ta. "Ohhh, yes, I'll call Fiona and have her send the Grand Ogre army!" "We'll help, as well." Shrek turned around, and saw Dr. Breen, who had an army of Combine soldiers behind him. "Wallace Breen!" Shrek gasped. "Yes, we, the Combine, are here to ally with Trumpus 3 and Drugia." MARK-6 was wary of breen, didn't father pooper warn him of them.The other trumpians were starting to get weirded out by all these foreigners and wanted to leave but knew that it would insult the new geth king, this stressed them out. "Drugia has been located by two Trumpian scout ships. Awaiting further orders, over." MARK-6 heard in his thoughts, it was from a Trumpian radio. MARK-6 was having his doubts about allying with Breen, but he knew if he didn't the entire planet would be destroyed and it's species enslaved and it's resources drained. ...through the enemies nose. "it's good that your ogre army aids us shrek, but I'm not sure about your combine soldiers, breen. Why do you help us?" Asked mark-6 just as the crown inevitable slipped off. Luckily the geth grabbed it before it fell on the floor. "It's simple, really, our Benefactors want more allies. You? Are a powerful species that can aid us in our mission." The geth searched his memory bank for info on the Combine, trying to remember everything that Father Looper hated about them. Rum-p'ta and the other trumpians got dizzy thinking about all the new types of immigrants they would deal with. "Enslavement of humans...turning people into synths...trying to take over the multiverse..." The geth wondered what the combine might try to do with the ogres as well as the trumpians. The greatest solution, he thought, was to join them and betray them afterwards. But that would make them a powerful enemy. Even with ogres and drugians as allies they would be too powerful. Mark just thought "fuck it" and commanded Shrek to eat Breen, and they took the soldiers in as their own. "Oh, that was a nice wee laddeh." Said shrek as he rubbed his stomach and burped. "Yes very nice shrek." Said MARK-6 as he stared at the terrified combine soldiers. Two royal guards decked in Daedric armor led the Combine personnel to living spaces, and MARK-6 went back to planning on how to handle Drugia. "Are methomorphs radiation resistant? Since we are sending nukes it seems important to know." Said rum-p'ta suddenly. "If we come into contact with radiation, we will become green colored Radomorphs." "So if I gave you these uranium coins," said rum-p'ta as he pulled a few out of his pocket,"you would transform?" "If we were exposed for an hour." Dickishly thoughts flowed through rum-p'ta's mind, but he restrained himself. "Your spaghetti, sire." A Spaghettian butler handed Mark a bowl of spaghetti. I'm a geth, a robot. I can't eat." Said MARK-6, annoyed. "You're supposed to shove it up your ass sire." Shrek was angered by the Butler's insolence towards his geth friend. "It's time for ye olde shrek-assault magic." He said, his eyes full of darkness. Shrek tasered the butler with lightning from his dick, he then just punched him. In this thrashing it was revealed that the butler was really a conservative trumpian who hated geth. Another Spaghettian brought Mark-6 spaghetti, and he gladly shoved it up his ass.The trumpian then ripped his shirt off, revealing a bomb suit. "ALLAHU ACKTRUMP" "Fuuuck you!" Said Rum-p'ta as he pointed the magic cheese. The bomb turned into onions, good onions. The onions exploded, entering the man's lungs. He fell to his knees, choking, before a stalk with onions hanged on it shot out of his throat. His body began growing onion vines, and he was soon covered with onions. He extended his army like silly putty and attempted to crush Rum-p'ta. Three Combine Elites entered the room and fired at the onion monster with their AR-2 blasters. Rum-p'ta ran away so he could not do that. Shrek licked his lips at the sudden buffet. The monster shot his Play-Do arm at Shrek and snarled, and had impaled him. The arm had stabbed his pancreas, at first this scared him but soon he was wrathful."Think yer can take on a god yer wee cunt!" He shouted as he shredded the arm with his arms and teeth. He then teleported somewhere safe. Trump-bots tended to shreks wounds as MARK-6 quickly recovered from the spaghetti attack and ordered trump-bots to attack.They shot uranium bullets at the post-trumpian. They bullets only made him stronger, making him gain an atomic bomb for a booty. MARK-6 got sick of this shit. "Stop fighting everyone, let's just go to drugia and let this dickhead go. "Everyone liked this idea, so they walked away from the potato trumpian and took a nuclear quad copter to the nearest spaceport.The onion trumpian felt sad, lonely. He then decided to head to Earth, and he then became the President of Italy. Rum-p'ta enjoyed the view of the trumpian desert that the nuclear quad copter gave him. He saw herds of necromorphs run upon it. Many of them were Trumpian, but some of them looked oddly human. Many scientists believed that Trumpus was originally inhabited by humans. The copter kept flying. "This reminds me of a Donolt Atunpura nature documentary." Rum-p'ta commented. The geth and shrek looked at him."You know, the one called 'running with necromorphs'." Suddenly, the Geth portrayed a hologram screen out of his eye. "Ello', I'm Donolt Atunpura, and today I'm going to be talking about the mysterious necromorph, a mysterious but deadly creature..." It shows the man walking up to a bush. "What a sexy creature!" He whispers when he sees a Slasher. "Look at those blades coming out of her back, so majes-Oh shit it saw me..." The rest of the clip showed him running away, an army of necromorphs running after him while Morgan Freeman narrated. "The slashers blades can still function perfectly even when the necromorph is occupied with chasing her prey," said Morgan Freeman. "Though the fact that this 59 year old man can still outrun her after half an hour should be considered as proof of the fact that though deadly the necromorphs are still corpses that will never be as healthy as a old man.""Be weary though, as some necromorphs, such as the Twitcher, are very fast." Morgan says, as the show host is beating the necromorph with a stick. "I do love a good nature doc!" Exclaimed Shrek suddenly. The doc shows Donolt Atunpura finally escaping to safety in a nuclear dune buggy. "Allons-y cocksuckers!" He says as he tosses a grenade at them. "The slasher, once a prime predator, is blown to pieces by the genius of its only predator, the trumpian." Says Freeman. "No one does subjugation of an alien threat as great as we trumpians do." Comments donolt atunpura in a voiceover. The clip ends."As do I." MARK-6 said. Suddenly, a rocket hits the helicopter."Ah, fuck!" Says everyone on board. "Mayday, may-" the copter crashed into the sand, killing the pilots. Distant necromorphs semmed to creep over the horizon towards them. Two Regenerator necromorphs started making their way to the choppers. "Use the cheese rum-p'ta!" Commanded Shrek. Rum-p'ta pointed the cheese at the necromorphs. The cheese burned off the limbs of the Regenerator, but they grew back. Rum-p'ta willed the cheese to turn back into ak-47 and headshot the necromorphs. They kept on coming, as the head of a necromorph isn't important. He then shot them in the balls. Also didn't work, as it regrew it's head and nuts. He shot their knees. The bullets went through their knees. The Regenerators caught up and snatched Mark-6, slapping his ass and heading back to base to cook him in a stew. Which they couldn't, because he was a robot. They did anyway and it was a delicacy. Rum-p'ta sneakily followed them, along with Shrek. "Do you think he's still alive?" Asked Rum-p'ta."I may be powerful but I don't know everything." He replied. They go on to save MARK-6. Rum-p'ta looked at his gun and remembered how useless it was on necromorphs. "Those this gun use uranium bullets?" He asked shrek. "No, laddeh." Replied shrek "That explains it." The got to the entrance if the necromorphs cave, they saw the pot with MARK-6 in it. Rum-p'ta was surprised that necromorphs were smart enough to use tools like a pot, he thought they were just animals. This made him philosophical about the holes in his world view. Three Slashers were cutting carrots into the pot, and dropping multiple rare spices inside. "They can cook? That's amazing." Said shrek. "Too bad we must fight." Said rum-p'ta. Shrek had an idea. "Ey lads!" He jumped to the necromorphs, they backed away and hissed. "Let me show ya how to make a real good meal!" He took an onion out of his ass and chopped it up, it falling into the soup. The Slashers crawled further in curiosity. From his ass he also summoned a sprig of rosemary and some potatoes. "What's that doing in there?" Scolded shrek as he pointed at the geth. "That'll get yet a bad taste, heavy metal poisoning as well!" The Slashers removed the Geth and threw him in the trash can. As shrek distracted them rum-p'ta helped MARK-6 escape. "Nice working with you." Shrek waved at the necromorphs as he left the cave. When shrek found rum-p'ta and MARK-6 he teleported them to the crashed copter. The necromorphs waved at Shrek and began to eat their amazing meal. Years later, they would share this recipe and the legend of the Ogre Chef to future generations. The helicopter was being rebuilt by a Builder Trump. It was a curious species, they looked like birds but with Donald Trump's head and liked to rebuild broken things. "Thank Trump!" Exclaimed rum-p'ta. The builder Trump noticed the trio, he came to them and began a conversation with them. "Hello! Is this your copter? I fixed your copter because I felt like it." Said the builder Trump. "Yes." Said MARK-6, exhausted. "Crikey! Well, I am honored to have helped the King." The Trump tips his fedora and bows. There shall be a reward for you when I come back, what is your name?" Asked MARK-6. "Potan." Said the builder Trump. "Um, anyone know how to fly a plane?" Shrek asks. Everybody shakes their head. "Well howdy." A necromorph Ubermorph appears, wearing a hard hat and chewing wheat. "Name's Bobby Joe. I can ride any plane." "It isn't a fucking plane it's a quad copter!" Said MARK-6. The necromorph paused then said "I could do that." He then smacked the copter with his ass and hops in, and flies it to Gallifrey and back in three milliseconds. "Could you take us to drugia instead?" Asked shrek. "Sure thing." Said Bob. Rum-p'ta was still weirded out by the fact that necromorphs were intelligent. Reply "We're going into hyperspace." Said Bobbo, flicking switches and pressing buttons. A thought flew through Rum-p'ta's mind: Because the Brethren Moons are gone, are they evolving? What if necromorphs only act violently under the moons influence? And if so that means.... No more war with the necromorphs, and just as importantly, the human necromorphs could provide answers to trumpus history. Rum-p'ta wrote this thought into his diary. "Rum-p'ta, why the fuck do you have a diary on you?" Asked shrek as politely as possible. "It's a free planet isn't it?" He replied. It was secretly his entire life since birth, 300 years of writing. The diary was the thickness of a Bible, shrek pondered how he hadn't seen it before. Shrek reminisced about a time Jehovah's witnesses intruded on his house, carrying big Bibles. "Would you like to talk about our Lord and Saviour Jehovah God?" One of them asked. "What are you doin' in my SWAMP?" "Preaching the good news sir." "I don't want ya trooth!" Shrek went to close the door, "Blah blah blah, there is a truth, yo mama 3:5." "No, there isn't." "Yes, there is. Fat man." Shrek roared a mighty roar and ate one, the other fleeing. "It's not ogre yet." Shrek leaped to him, he was in front of him. "N-no, please....I have a w-wife and k-k-kids...!" Shrek punched his fist through the man's chest, pulling out his intestines. Shrek swallowed like spaghetti and tore out his lungs. He then pleasured himself with that heart of the man. Two hours earlier, his wife ordered a pizza. He took the man's corpse and threw him in his meat grinder. He headed to New York, where the man lived, and stopped the pizza guy. "Hey!" Shrek said, running towards him. "what" Shrek gave the man a billion dollars, and grabbed the pizza. He ran to the house where he wife was, and sprinkled the shredded remains of her husband all over it. He opened the door. "Shrek's Pizza Delivery!" He said. The woman took the pizza and fed it to her kids. "This pizza tastes like the Lord's love." Said the children. "Mmm, fun times." Said shrek to himself. "Hey shrek, it just occurred to me that we are traveling in space in a quad copter." Said MARK-6. "That's how good I am sunny." Drugia was just coming into view, it was a blue color. The oceans were made of gamma hydroxybutyrate, the stone was crystal meth, the plants and grass were marijuana......and khat, coca, Ayahuasca and the most majestic opium poppies ever seen, they were a metre tall. There were magic mushrooms of many colors and toads of unusual large size. Shrek lipped his licks at the sight. Bob landed the copter near a huge forest of marijuana and khat. "There's a town close by, but a need a rest first so you kids have fun." Said Bob. Bob promptly yawned and passed out. Shrek then tore a giant chunk of plants and smoked it, becoming high as a Blackhawk. Everyone except Mark-6 and the methomorphs did the same. This wanton drug taking disappointed MARK-6. Shrek preformed anal butt sex with Rum-p'ta while a methomorph General and Mark 6 engaged in tactical conversation. Some methomorphs happened to see shrek and were disturbed by his actions, they throw rocks and syringes at him. Shrek was hit by the rock, and roared like a whale. He then caught every meth rock in his mouth, still bouncing on Rum. A syringe stabbed his left cheek. He turned into Bill Cosby with green skin. "Ahh! What have yer done to me?!" Shouted shrek. He tried reversing the effect, but failed. "Zip zop zibbity bop" he screams. For now on, he will become Cosby every full moon. Rum-p'ta took the syringe for further analysis. Rum-p'ta took the syringe for further analysis. "What's going on?" Said MARK-6, annoyed. Suddenly, MARK-6 was smacked in the ass. Category:Blog posts